The Whinge (kitchen remix)


The Toddler Whinge (that God-awful, piglet-piercing whine, for our non Aussie-speaking friends) is playing on infinite repeat at our place.

It’s oh-so relaxing at any hour, so since you’re here, why don’t you pour yourself a drink, sit back, and let me take you there…?

It goes a lil something like this:

[Hi-hat: tse-tse tse-tse tse-tse tse-tse]

“Would you like some toast?”

“EEEGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” (accompanied by hysterical pointing at the toaster).

“Ok, the bread is in the toaster now, but it’ll take a minute to cook. Shall we both listen quietly and wait for it to pop?”

“AHAHAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” (multiplied by flailing arms).

“Let’s be quiet now, we don’t want to wake up Daddy.”


[…..Musical interlude: fingers tapping impatiently on counter-top…..]

“Look at me! Peek-a-boo! Mummy’s head is popping out from behind the fridge! Isn’t that funny? La la la!”


“POP! Here it is now! HOORAYYYY [Thank fuck (whispered)]

[Applause all round]

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, thank you. I call that the Toddler Whinge, Breakfast Edition.


During our pre-bed Q&A session, when Magoo is contemplating the day that was, I ask her about the need to whinge.

“It’s because I can’t talk proper yet Mummy.”

“Ah, I see darling, it’s just that when you do it, everything seems, you know, just that bit more stressful.”

“I’m sorry Mummy, I just find it hard to control my immediate need for toast.”

“I know my love.”

“And sometimes I just can’t get my crayons to fit in my shoe. I feel so desperate!”

“I understand. And you know I’m always here to help you with those things. You just need to ask me (quietly).”

“Ok Mummy, my darling, I’ll try.”

“[Sigh] Do I attend to all your needs quickly enough? It’s just that when you whinge, I worry that I’m not being the bestest bestest Mummy that I could be…”.

“Don’t worry Mummy, it’s a perfectly normal part of my language development. And you’re a totes amaze-balls Mummy.”

“Ok, but do you mind if I ask the people out there how they deal with it? How do they get their toddlers to communicate without whinging?”



How do you deal with it? How do you get your toddler to communicate without whinging? Or does it drive you a wee bitty bonkers too?





4 responses to “The Whinge (kitchen remix)

  1. Ohh, thank goodness those days are just memories for me. The worst whinge is the one where even when you are doing EXACTLY what they want and they’re still not happy…

  2. You just gotta write funny blogs about it:) Please please, please write some more, that was hilarious!

    I don’t think it’s possible to stop a toddler from whingeing unless you give them your undivided attention 24/7. And even then…

    Good luck! I’m finding it easier to tune out second time round.

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